by: Devlyn Steele
I logged on to a dating website the other day and was greeted by a big, flashing message. It promised that if I took the time to answer a series of questions that they would find a “perfect match” for me. Imagine that? All of the work and worry of being single – gone! We really have evolved! Not just can computer programs manage the whole traffic system of a city and make chess grandmasters cry, but now they can lead my ideal match right to my doorstep. I always wanted a Stepford wife, I hope it comes assembled.
The recent trend in Internet Dating has been the use of a “computer personality test” of some sort. Websites claim that these tests, usually developed by a “top psychologist”, have the ability to understand you and your needs through a series of questions. Confused? Lost in adore? Issues communicating? Do not worry, the On-line Dating Hal 5000 can figure you out! In fact, when you’re done, this computer program will know your needs and desires better than you do.
Keep in mind the Broadway play “Fiddler on The Roof”? You may not, it was the very first Broadway play I went to when I was seven. A song that always stuck in my head for some reason was “matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match…” The song starts as a plea to the matchmaker to bring true adore straight to the altar; somebody stunning, wealthy, intelligent, and ideal.
But by the end of the song, the singer realizes that the Matchmaker might not be up to the task. She decides that “playing with matches, a girl can get burned”.
So, do these tests truly work?
Personality tests have a long history. Really, truly intelligent guys with names like Freud, Maslov, Fromm, and Jung developed respected psychological theories, and these theories are utilized as the basis for all kinds of tests. “The Big Five” theory suggests that there are five dimensions of personality: openness to encounter, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism. Some well-liked personality tests use this as a foundation. Other people go the “Big Three” route, which does away with the “openness” and “agreeableness” dimensions – mostly because it is easier to remember.
I joke just a little about these theories, but the truth is that they’ve survived the test of time and there is a ton of scientific research behind them. The real question is if these tests can be efficient in applying a theory to the complexity of a human becoming. Add to this the additional layer of meshing your answers with another, equally complex individual. That’s a tall order.
Individuals have impulsive behavior that simply can’t be measured when they’re sitting, relaxed and introspective, taking one of these tests. Often our answers reflect our ideal (or hopeful) idea of ourselves. Even if we are attempting our greatest to be honest, our impulsive behavior in real-life scenarios can be far different than we’d anticipate.
An additional wildcard is attraction. We can meet somebody who’s empirically good-looking, has a comparable background, is kind and effective – and yet we’re not attracted. Frequently we can’t explain why we like another individual. It may be how they make us laugh, a crooked smile – even how they smell! Sometimes small things which are immeasurable on their own can collectively make us attracted.
Human beings and our emotions and desires are far too complex, along with a pc program can’t solve the riddles of our romantic lives. As Jung put it, “the meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances; if there’s a reaction both are transformed”. It sounds good, but even Jung was hedging his bet with regards to love. What will cause two people to react to every other? Even the developers of the study of personality would not presume that a series of questions could predict romance.
If you rely solely on matchmaking services, you’re missing the whole beauty of online dating. The beauty is opportunity. Online dating offers you an almost limitless chance to meet and date new people. It gives you the time and space to find what best suits you. Going to a high quality dating website that isn’t trying to sell you fantasy of discovering your match for you will mean you will have a pool of millions of singles to meet.
Treat matchmaking choices as just another fun way to explore. It can serve as an ice breaker to begin a conversation, but don’t expect them to be the answer to discovering your perfect match. Maintain all choices open and explore possibilities. As a unique individual, only can you know what works for you. You’ll need to develop abilities to communicate and meet people. Developing both online and offline dating skills will be the best method to find the right relationship.
Next time you’re brushing your teeth, take a look within the mirror. See that incredible individual? That’s your matchmaker having a mouthful of toothpaste. Take charge of your life and get into action! Enjoy dating and appreciate the procedure of discovery. Your experiences, both good and not-so-good, are essential to finding the right individual for you.
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